April 2019 - YHTDTW

April 30, 2019May 31, 2019

Change is in the air

2019 has been such a year and if I had to describe it in one word I would have to use change. Change of season, change of lifestyle, change, change, change it’s all around us. But do we always recognize it, do we always acknowledge it and do we always honor change and ourselves during change?

Change is….

I guess before recognizing, acknowledging and honoring change we first need to understand what it stands for. Change is change. I know I can do better than that but that’s all I prefer to define it as because it’s more than words it’s a moment, it’s a feeling and it certainly is an experience. Change is that moment where you go from one thing to another. It’s a feeling of uncertainty and in terms of experience there’s always a new experience. Change looks different and it certainly can be daunting and yet it’s the one thing that is constant in our everyday human experiences.

As much as we like to think that we have it all figured out, we really don’t. Who knows what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes, next 24 hours, next year? And yes I understand that you can plan your life, in fact, I am the chief executive of this association. you can most definitely plan what you are going to eat tomorrow maybe even next week. But let’s say your favorite restaurant is doing a stock take and you had planned to go there for dinner. When you get there they are closed, what are you going to do? Eat at the restaurant? No, you’re going to change your choice and eat elsewhere.

The above example of not being able to eat at your favorite restaurant makes sense right? What if we applied that same logic to our behavior patterns, our perceptions, our thoughts, our views, and our self-talk? I don’t know about you but it used to take chaos and tragedies for me to change my mind. How absolutely tragic? Very!

Closer to home

In 2016, July 26 to be exact I made a social post about a then health crisis I was experiencing. The post caption read; “My name is Nonkululeko Judy Ever-changing Dlamini! Who I was a year ago is not who I was a week ago”. When I made this post I was making my way back to my mother’s house from the dermatologist. My body had just erupted in what my new doctor thinks is guttate psoriasis. Yes, it has taken me 3 entire years to find Doctors that speak my language! Don’t give up your people are out there.

Thankfully I have been in remission 3 entire years and I am so grateful to myself for putting in the work. Putting in the work? Yes for putting in the work! You see psoriasis is so much more than just a skin condition. Psoriasis is an autoimmune disease which means my immune system will sometimes attack itself. Psoriasis was just the gateway for me to understand that I have an immune system that loves me so much that when it protects me, she sometimes attacks her own self. I know profound right? Fear not you will read all about it.

A toast

I’m still relearning about what it means to have an autoimmune disease because up until 2 years ago I thought I had cured myself. Except I had only managed it and my triggers really well that I had been in remission, until recently. My journey of understanding what an autoimmune disease is or what it means for me specifically is a journey that I am still going through. I still have no idea what tomorrow has in store for me but all I have ever known is that no matter what, I will show up and show out for me.

What am I changing? I’m changing my relationship with stress to be able to do this. I have to get really clear on what has anything to do with me, what doesn’t and where I can grow. I haven’t altogether figured it all out. But I know that it’s going to take me applying myself in my own life. So goodbye value systems and perceptions that don’t serve me. You will find me expressing, exploring and from all of that cultivating my own human experience. And if I start to give a damn about anyone’s opinion about this I will ask myself; ‘Are they paying my medical bill?’ and then keep it moving, swiftly.

Here’s to accepting yourself, acknowledging yourself, working with yourself and honoring yourself in change and consistency alike.

April 30, 2019January 27, 2020

I Work Change

Change does not have to work you out, you do know that you can also work it too? But if you choose not to work change, then you are going to feel overwhelmed and unprepared for the change that is going to happen for you and to you. We can work change by seeking it out, monitoring it and reinvent ourselves in those new spaces that we were clearly meant to be in.

Everything happens for a reason and a season. There’s no such thing as a mistake or coincidence. You can either learn from it or experience something new. That is the whole purpose of change; to teach you and to reveal to you what’s new for you which means it’s probably what you need. Please don’t tell me that in 2019 you are still #team ‘life’s not fair’ because sweetheart life is fair. Fairness says that everyone and everything will get what we need. It’s high time we see change as a necessity and get out of our feelings for just a single minute and let go of how we think things should be.

I’m trying not to roll my eyes but I can’t help it.

I’ll try and not roll my eyes back in judgment because I understand that the same way that a flower needs time to change into its bloomful self, you are also going to need time to grasp the truth about fairness. In the meantime sit quietly and affirm your power back, declare that this is your day, every day and question your way into your new.

Affirmations

I am changing, everyday in every moment.

Change is here for me.

I expand when I allow change to happen.

I welcome change, I welcome my best life.

Declarations

Change is imminent and so am I.

I receive more of what I need when change happens.

I’m ok with not knowing.

I am prepared in the unknown.

Questions

Where is my change?

How can I work my change?

I wonder what amazing change will happen today?

Who am I during my change?

April 30, 2019January 27, 2020

From stressed to yes!

So stress is the body’s reaction to any change that needs an adjustment or a response so says Cleveland Clinic. What I like particularly about this explanation of what stress is, is that it doesn’t call it good or bad, it’s a normal reaction to change. Remember that time in our lives when stress was the devils better twin brother that you had to get rid of as it resulted in terrible life experiences? But the year is 2019 and stress is the body’s natural reaction to change. And these reactions can be physical, mental, emotional or all at once.

It just is

I’m going to say it on more just so that we are clear that stress is the body’s natural reaction to change. What this tells us is that seasons could change and your body will naturally react with stress. It tells us that you could get a promotion or be demoted and your body will naturally react with stress. You could go from single to in a relationship, hot to cold, undergrad to graduate, the night before your first day at school and your first day at school and your body will naturally react with stress. The stress is going to happen we can’t avoid it but exactly how can we ensure that it doesn’t take us out? Just do the work!

The cold truth

During one exam season at my high school our principal held a meeting with all of the matriculants because we were stressed out due to our end of year finals, trying to plan what we would be doing the following year and still fulfill our duties as school mentors, hand in assignments and try not to give our teachers high blood pressure because we certainly were an outspoken bunch.

We attended the meeting hoping he would authorize a few extensions and even maybe give us a few sprinkles of ‘day off’ coupons and maybe even an all expenses paid vacation to Sun City. Instead, this past middle-aged, short, salt and peppered haired man cleared his throat and said, “If you are stressed and you don’t want to be, just do the work. You are stressed because you have lots of work right?” Eagerly waiting for the all-expenses vacation to Sun City announcement we chorused “YES!” but he continued to respond with “The only way to make sure that you go from stressed to not stressed is to do the work.”

Of course, we didn’t get it or seem to want to get it and we probably called him everything except his name but we had to have gone about our merry ways and did the work because the school didn’t hear from us again, especially not about how stressed we were. We ranked in at least the top 10 in our district for best results produced according to my memory. So boom doing the work is an entire science. But please be kind to yourself after all you are your primary human experience. Below is our template for doing the work, it’s sweet short and to the point.

April 30, 2019January 27, 2020

Change management

By the time I entered high school, my family had already moved 10 times and I had had enough. I walked into the public library the first summer of my new high school chapter and I went straight for the self-help section, yes I’ve been doing this for years. I don’t know what it was about the book but something about the picture and the title called my name.

*sings* Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

The book I am talking about is called ‘who moved my cheese’ written by Dr. Spencer Johnson, Google tells me it’s the same dude that wrote ‘The one minute manager’. The book is about change; to accept that change will happen, then to look for change, to manage change, adapt to it quickly, change and then enjoy the change.

I know right, what a mouthful! But it’s a great manual for change as it shows that change happens in stages. If we understand that change is as consistent as day and night which in itself is the change of day. Then we should understand that we need to look out for change because it’s going to happen. You don’t have to like change but denying that it will or is happening is self-inflicted suffering. The year is 2019 self-care and self-preservation is the name of the game.

Now let’s think of the many ways that you can manage change; give yourself time and space, stop pushing yourself. If it takes the trees a whole season to change then why won’t you be more patient with yourself? Whilst giving yourself this time and space, you are not twiddling your thumbs but you are looking at the new change patterns and how it works well with you or doesn’t. And as a result, moving up into your new level.

April 30, 2019January 27, 2020

Change, Work and Reflect.

Change is always around the corner, on your doorstep, it always happens and your body is going to naturally respond to it with stress. The best way to go from stressed to ‘handle it with grace’ is to do the work and this is going to require for you to pace yourself, plan and execute according to your own resources and abilities. Acknowledge that change is going to happen, then accept it and honor yourself. If it takes you bit longer to do it, then so be it. If it means going at it alone then I guess you are the amazing race.

What works is doing the work and understanding your specific situation and if you don’t, observe yourself and record your data. Feels too technical? Good! You are your primary human experience and you really don’t know much about yourself except what you have experienced about yourself from past records. This means that what you know about yourself from past experiences may not work in new experiences and this may be the most daunting reality in our human experiences. However, we can keep track of our progress, triggers, and setbacks as we move along and through whatever change we are experiencing. And then do what with that data? Reflect! Reflect! Reflect!

Log, Track and Learn

Knock on the door and change is at your doorstep unannounced and is pulling the rug right under your feet. This is a whole new experience so you can’t even log your progress just yet but what you can do is to get to know this new change. Observe the change get to know its temperature, its mood swings, highs, and lows. Once you are better acquainted with your new change, get to know yourself in the new change. What is your temperature, mood swings, highs and lows in this your new change? Be detailed, be deliberate and most importantly be kind to yourself.

Once you have logged in your new changes, track your patterns; when are you on top of it, when are you under it, when do you feel weird and when do you feel wonderful? It’s not about being in control but rather about learning and experiencing yourself in the many human experiences that are to experience. And I can not stress it enough, be kind to yourself. You are allowed to be a beginner in everything and if you knew how to navigate it, you wouldn’t need to go through it in the first place. Life is fair, you experience exactly what you need, the class is in session don’t miss out on your best life.