forgiveness Archives

AFC: Anger, Forgiveness and Compassion.

I haven’t always had what I have today or been fortunate to experience experiences that I would only see on TV or print media. So once I started to get my mind right, my heart receptive to more of my best life and my life making some kind of sense I wanted to give back or at the very least pay it backwards and forward. I was tingly, feel good kind of excited and I called the one person who would understand at the time this thought, my life partner. And she was in it, for it and about it. She recruited our gracious recipients, she contacted the schools and she spoke to the parents about our commitment. One thing led to another and before I knew it a decision turned commitment was now action and I was an active participant and so was my life partner.

The Journey

My annual homecoming voyage comes around and it’s show time. My life partner has arranged for me to meet the moms, organized an introductory meeting between the wonderful student recipients and I. All of these things I would rather not do and hadn’t really thought of. But being a celebrator of everything I suggest that seeing as it’s back to school why not start their school year with a back to school soiree. Again it’s still in idea phase and my life partner is a great big supporter of it too. So from ideation to commitment to action, the balloons, jumping castle, cakes, and gift bags are arranged and secured. My life partner still the number one supporter and confidant.

Then on the day of the back to school celebrations, my life partner starts to act funny. Funny like sour milk and not def jam or Trevor Noah comedy. She is no longer hospitable or serving our guests that she claimed she wanted to serve. I pick up on her vibrations and I decide I’m not going to add any more sabotage energy because clearly, she has got this one. Fine, sure, no problem the show must go on and it was a huge success. The moms were happy and the girl children, living and loving the celebrations.

Judy Garland remembering home. #khumbula’ekhaya

The afterparty

So after the fact I start to journal to see what worked, what didn’t and where we could grow. The answers were just pouring themselves into my journal as being; the initiative worked, execution energy from half of the executive didn’t and we could grow by having better intentions from the get go.

But I could feel it in my veins that my blood was boiling! My tingly sensation was now full on rage and I was angry at my life partner. Couldn’t she wait until the event was over to start feeling some type of way? How could she treat our guests like thieves? Especially when we invited them?!

What about Anger?

I started to read up on anger because I was trying to understand the situation better so that I could find a better way to deal with the anger I was feeling. A plethora of articles told me that I shouldn’t focus on a low vibrating emotion as it could take and keep me in a low vibration affair. I saw this as a fair perspective because I wasn’t trying to live in this feeling. But I also didn’t want to pretend like I wasn’t feeling this way, isn’t that how pent up anger happens? I’m living differently now and I’m no longer repeating past patterns that I can’t even profit from.

I read a little more and then I read a lot less and then I came across an article that let me know that my anger was ok, it was ok for me to be angry. I read that anger is a direct result of oppression and injustice experienced or boundaries crossed. And it’s that last one that tickled me, my life partner had crossed a boundary and it was the integrity boundary. She was saying one thing about our initiative and turned around and did something else.

Then it hit me again she was open to experiencing new and wanting to do good because we are all inherently good, so good appeals to good but her behavior pattern database had her acting a different way. Then it hit me again she wasn’t updating her behavior pattern files so she could only act from what was saved under ‘recently opened.’

Next up Forgiveness and Compassion

Then suddenly I went from angry all the way to ‘I understand and I’m willing to not hold on to the ugliness of this situation through exercising and working on my forgiveness and compassion muscles.’ So I crawled into the bed with her and I asked how she was feeling and I started to listen to her and hear where she was coming from.

It turns out she didn’t mean to sabotage the event. She genuinely wanted to pay her blessings forwards and backward but she allowed a scarcity mentality to interfere with her good intentions. Overall I’m blown away by our initiative and I’m excited for where it’s going to. I’m also glad I didn’t bottle up my feelings, I’m really glad that I felt the anger and the rage so I could move on and be soothed by forgiveness and compassion. It’s because of this work that my idea partner and I are 2 years into our initiative and we are doing great things together. This is only our beginning.

I’m not going to judge you if you haven’t figured out this series’s theme or patterns. Instead, I’m going to embrace the fact that you haven’t read our Work log, you started your work without an affirmation, a declaration or questions to help you find those answers as found on ‘I Work Monday’ and how did you make it this far without a Work-torial?

Now I may not be judging you but she may be.

Anger

Grab a ball that you can hold in your hand and preferably one that you have a good grip on. Get a tennis ball, run it around your hands and feel it. Then write everything that you are feeling on that ball, run the ball through your hands again and feel it once more but with your feelings on it.

Next, find a wall and preferably one that has no windows on because I don’t know how angry you are to be at this point of the series. I’d hate for you to be angry all over again because you had to pay for new windows. Now release that ball from your grip with your might and feel that anger leave you.

Forgiveness

Even if you imagined the anger exercise and didn’t actually do it, it felt good right? Good cause we are going to be tapping into our minds for our forgiveness exercise. Imagine everything that you have experienced that has left you in your feelings. Collect those memories as if cleaning up slime from the floor except it’s inside of you.

Collect it all and deposit it into a balloon (you are still imagining this in your mind) fill the balloon with helium. Tie the same string that is attached to you to the balloon and cut it out. Hold the balloon that you have detached from yourself and say something that you would want to be said to you. Say it to the balloon, say it to yourself, say it to the balloon, say it to yourself, don’t say it to the balloon if you can’t say it to yourself and the let it go.

Disclaimer! This does not mean that you are watering down the effects that you experienced with and from the contents that you placed into the balloon. It just means that you are ready to pour that same energy that you used on the contents in the balloon and use it on yourself.

Compassion

Remember that time when you didn’t know any better and you acted from less than you were created to be? Keep that same energy and have the same compassion for your foes and mishaps. Imagine someone giving you a hug every time you acted outside of your glory and grace. Now turn around and hug everyone on your list and start with yourself and let redemption collect you in the warm and loving embrace of love because that’s who you actually are.

Tag: forgiveness

AFC